Allow Me to Digress

The latter part of last year until the early part of this year was extremely a busy period for me.  I was too busy not to be able to check my cellphone and reply only to messages at the end of the day. (I can’t even remember forwarding messages then. :)  Too busy that even before going to sleep all I could think about was what interesting thing I could do for my class, and then waking up replaying in my mind what I would be doing for the next hours.  My mind was working 24 hours. I even dreamt about my students.  Teaching is definitely not an 8 to 5 job, it’s a 24 hour job.      

I am not complaining.  In general, I like what I did and in fact, I love being busy.  I miss being busy.  I pride myself in being composed under pressure.  Sometimes.  Haha… Sometimes if you’re lost as to what you want to happen in your life, keeping busy makes you feel you’re on the right track.  If you’re depressed that you don’t have a direction in life, knowing that at least you’re doing something is one great consolation.  Basic human need - the feeling of being needed, or being important.  (That’s why if it were only my choice I would want to die young, because I’m afraid I’ll be too useless when I get really old. But then if God has other plans, it is fine with me :) 

Funny thing is now that I am not busy, I don’t do what I want to do.  Seems like being busy is an excuse for not doing those things that I want to do.  (Ok, that was confusing.  Why would you not want to do something that you don’t want to do? Probably because there are many other distractions like the television hehe.  The culprit again is myself :)  With so much freedom I don’t know which I want to do. But then I have come up with a solution to this:  making my list of "things I want to do if only I have the time," and of course, focusing on making sure I do everything in my ideal list, even if only half of it. 

I won’t list them down here.  (It is classified as "too personal to be posted here." Hehe I cancelled out the things that I want to do now but I can’t do due to some constraints (except time).  Here are four of those that didn’t make it to the list.

1.  Meet up with friends.

2.  Catch the latest movies in the cinema.

3.  Take up voice lessons. (hahaha)   

4.  Travel.  (around the Philippines first then Europe - obviously, the major constraint here is financial

I am left with many other things to do until my stay here ends.  (shobe, if you are reading this, don’t mention it to you know who ok?  If you really want to see me soon.  I’m just trying to make the most out of the situation. And I think I’m about to reach "the most."  Hehehe :)  It can be nice to be alone sometimes because you get to appreciate company all the more next time.  More time for instrospection, too.  The unexamined life is not worth living, as Plato would say.  Being alone doesn’t mean being lonely right?   It’s all in the mind hehehe… Maybe this is the much-awaited pause that I need.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, June 20th, 2006 at 9:56 pm and is filed under Anything about Anything. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.